Back again to post. No, this isn't dead yet. Now, at the end of 2006, I look back at all the crazy things that happened this year and post drabble about it. Prepare for a deep sounding post, abstract and unspecific ideas that I don't explain, and a lot of scrolling.


For the first time, I felt hopeless about things.

I'm now dead serious about school. Yes, more than before.

I experienced being a leader a few times. I'm still not sure if being one all the time is a good thing.

I realized that you really need to see things in different perspectives to understand different situations (although being able to do it is a challenge).

I now angst and get mood swings. Oh, no.

I learned how to miss things. (Freedom from schoolwork.)

I guess I enjoy school now.

I also started to enjoy listening to music.

I now know how to swim! Or at least survive in the water.

I got ran over by a reindeer. Ah, nope.

I haven't been as hesistant to spend money on snacks and things not related to school (video games, stuff to read).

I finally thought of a possible career to take when I grow up. I still haven't figured out what course I need to take to get that kind of job.

I learned that cramming IS unavoidable.

I underestimated myself a lot of times.

I overestimated myself at a lot more times than I underestimated myself.

I figured out for myself that expecting so much isn't healthy o_O

I fainted for the first time this year.

I now know that afternoon snacks can be considered vital meals during school days.

I now like staying at school after sunset.

I now like staying at home during weekends more.

For the first time in high school, I found Algebra okay. Geometry was fun in the 1st and 2nd quarter, until we started on similarities :P

I've lost my sentimentality.

I unconsciously(?) rely on "time management". Haha.

I got to talk to people from my past school this year. Wasn't able to in my first year out of there.

I now want the power to turn back time.

I thought I would never get over this year. Now I think I wouldn't on 2007.

After this I realize that there are so many important things that happened this year that I have a hard time listing them down. Also, there are events that I might have overlooked that are actually significant.

The introspective mood is fading. Now I want to go back to the present.

New year's resolutions: soon.

Signing off.

Christmas Eve Post

I never thought I would be able to log in before Christmas.

Here you go, guys.


And that image was, as usual, lovingly(?) crammed. Yay.

Have a great Christmas tomorrow!



Signing off.

Has been a while since I've updated. I've been doing more this week than the last one. Let's see.

• Simbang Gabi- So far I've gone to the 4 masses. It's still hard to wake up early. Reminds me of school. The church is pretty near our house so we walk. Not much of a problem. The problem is when we stand during mass when the pews are full because the neighbors we go with take too long to prepare. Yeah, I go with my helpers and neighbors; everyone else at home is too sleepy and can't bring me to mass.
  
• Gifts- I'm wrapping gifts this time. Everyone else is too busy, and I'm usually bored. Now I know what I'm getting, also because I bought some of my gifts myself.
  
• Homework- *evil glare*
  
• Siblings- Brat. Box Monster. Play all afternoon. Wow.
  

That doesn't sound like I'm doing much. I have to get some things done, though, before school starts.

Not the S-word again. My eaaars.

I really think I won't be updating this thing until Christmas. Not too much to blog about. Be warned.

Signing off.

Hi. Still thinking of what to do this vacation. I've only been figuring out the XML, playing Magna Carta (I'm still not done yet), wasting time in the internet and sleeping most of the time. I'm not studying. Bwahahaha.

And I thought I would be updating this thing a lot more because of the free time. The opposite's happening because there's not much to blog about. Maybe because I don't go to school, or get to talk to people a lot during vacations. And I currently irritated by something to think straight. Might blog about that thing soon.

Maybe I should consider studying to pass the time :P.


Still bored. Signing off.

Three days into the Christmas vacation, and I'm still tired. I've run out of things to post about.

Not really. I guess the reason I don't have anything to post about in this blog is that I avoid getting too personal in my posts. I always talk about schoolwork and anything that I'm preoccupied with that I don't really talk about how I feel, unless I'm really upset. I don't even sound like I'm upset when I am.

Ah, well. Just a thought. I still have to think if I really will post stuff like that here.

Back to other preoccupations.

• Blog Layout- The XML coding for the page looks hard and intimidating to mess around with, unlike plain HTML/CSS. It seems like a combination of those two formatting "languages" and a programming language (like C++ XD). I might just be lazy to study it. Will plan something for it. I won't switch back to the old template coding scheme until I've tried out the XML.
  
  
• Adobe Illustrator- Does anyone have any idea on what I could use this for? I know that you could make vectored images using this, which could be used for web graphics, wallpapers and stuff like that. I just can't figure out how to use it, I guess.
  
  
• Video Games- Now is the time to catch up on this past obsession. I've missed lots of games this year because of school. Now I'm not really updated about the newest RPGs that are out, or at least about what's interesting to play. Someone help me with this. Either that or give me money to buy some games. (Whatever you do, don't mention anything about Final Fantasy XII.)
  
  
• Sprain- It's getting better. I could walk better now, except when going down stairs. Problem is, when I get up or move my leg, my ankle always hits something and....
  
  
• Posting- With all the time I have to use the computer and a new dial-up internet card (Don't laugh.) loaded, I look forward to posting almost everyday.
  
  
• Character Designs- They've been on hold since classes started this June. Now, if only I could find my pencil.
  
  
• Sleep- Yay!
  

What's a good way to conclude this post? Dunno.


Signing off.

Changed layouts, again?

As you can see, I've switched to Blogger beta already. I tried the new layout options and then... this happened. The pretty layout that was here before is gone. I'll try to figure out the new scheme for coding and fix a customized layout again. Either that or I'll switch back to the old template-editing style.

Signing off.

It's vacation time already. We're supposed to be relaxing because all our projects are done, the tests are over and we don't have to wake up at 4 something and sleep at 2 something every miserable day.

So why am I still stressed out?

First, my brother kicked my right foot a while ago. That's where my sprain is. It still hurts.

Second, I'm still finishing the first draft for English. Why? Let's not talk about that.

Third, I'm still tired from the whole year of hard labor studying. I had a pain in the neck last night that seemed like when you get high blood pressure. I'm scared.

Maybe I've lost all my optimism (whatever was left of it) during the past 7 months. *head meets keyboard in accelerated downward movement of the former* Whatever.

Signing off.

Blog Name Change?

Disclaimer: This post isn't meant to offend anyone else whose blog/site is titled Perfect Imperfection or any other site title in this post.

I've been thinking about changing the name of this blog for a while. Perfect Imperfection doesn't really suit my outlook in life anymore. I think I wasn't thinking right when I created this blog.

Though I still think philosophically, I'm not too vocal about my deeper thoughts. I'm still introverted like before, but I've become more spontaneous. I may not be the one who admires all the beauty in the world, but I don't abhor anything. Perfect Imperfection sounds like a title of a poet's blog and I'm no poet at all.

What does it leave me with?

• Gray's Place in the Internet- Can you get more unoriginal?
• Gray's Blog- I swear I'll kill...
• The Life and Times of a Person Called Gray - Get me my great-great-great-grandfather's bolo.

I want something clever, never thought of before and not currently being used as a blog title. Nothing that sounds so much like a fan shrine title, either. Suppose I combine words that I like.

• Turbulent Majesty- Fan shrine. End of story.
  
• Enigma- Fan shrine, band name, overused blog title
• Wild Tempest- I googled it up and found someone using this as a username. Oh, well.
  

I know. I'll name it after a song that I like. *looks at playlist*

• Fate Breaker (Wild Arms 3 dungeon theme)- The song sounds idealistic and searching, I like it. But the title is a little poetic.
• Sheep will Sleep (Guilty Gear Isuka, Sol/Ky/I-no theme)- Makes the blog sound sleepy...
• Psycho Killer (Talking Heads)- Run, run, run, run, run from the psycho killer's blog.
• Waltz (Honey and Clover)- Romantic-sounding title
• 100% Pure (Tantei Gakuen Q)- Sounds like a personal title, but I suspect someone uses this as a title. And my character isn't pure -_-.

While looking through the playlist I ran into a track called "Drunkard Makes Wise Remarks" from GG Isuka. It is a potential name for a "wise guy's" blog. Just remove the "drunkard" part because it doesn't apply.

• Calesa Hijacker Makes Wise Remarks- "Calesa Hijacker" is a random title I gave myself. There's a story behind it.
• Wise Guy Makes Wise Remarks- Sounds funny and redundant

Here I end listing down blog titles I've thought of. I might go with the "Makes Wise Remarks" thing. Either that or I'll think of another possible blog title.

I will change my blog title. The title "Perfect Imperfection" drives me mad.


Signing off.

Demand List

Here is an example of an arrangement of items that you remember to write during the Yuletide season (if you actually notice it) but because of it being posted on such short notice, money shortages, the impracticability or just the downright impossibility of the items recorded, all the items don't usually get checked off. For short, this is my Christmas wishlist.

• scanner (For drawing that I might want to CG; kind of impractical since I could use the digicam instead.)
  
• for my camera to be fixed
  
• no homework and projects for the rest of the school year (What? It's a wishlist XD)
  
• sanity (which was taken away by school)
  
• sleep (which was also taken away by school)
  
• some role playing video games that I missed to get after their release dates because of school and I want to play (or time to finish the games I already have)
  
• maintain good academic status and probably become a DL again (I'm scared...)
  
• a better organization system for my things (someone help me with this.)
  
• web hosting for a personal site/blog
  
• to feel better about things
  

I just posted this for fun, actually. I don't expect all the items to be checked but it would be nice if some were granted (especially the 3rd one :P). The list might be revised.

Twisted Fate

Hiatus is finally lifted.

Happy Bonifacio Day. Alas, we have this holiday off. Now, we await the storm.

I'm not supposed to be at the computer right now. My parents threatened commanded me to rest my sprained ankle, but I still have lots to do for school.

Wait, what sprained ankle? I'll talk about that, then.

This is the second time I sprained an ankle. It was during a basketball game in PE. The other team was trying to shoot the ball. I don't remember how it really happened, but I recall being pushed and my right leg bending sideways. Everyone was running to the other basket when I stood up and realized I twisted my ankle. I guess no one else besides the teacher and his next class noticed I had a sprain. Some of them even helped me down the stairs of the gym. But the clinic was across the oval, being frustratingly far for someone who has a hard time walking. After limping through the field and 15 minutes of cold compress at the clinic, I remembered that I had to go to the 4th floor of the building for a long test. Then I limped again downstairs to the ground floor, to the cafeteria for a while, then to the service bus which was across the oval. It was nightmarish.

My folks at home got surprised about my ankle. For the first time in a while, I had the right to treat my younger siblings as slaves >:D (They were willing to...). It was just hard to get around the house to study for the next day, finish our report, to eat at the table and to go to the bathroom. My ankle swelled up a lot that night.

The next day, I planned to go to school using the service bus >_<, attend the first two subjects where in the second one we had a long test (I didn't want to take a post quarter test this quarter.) and go homeafter that. I didn't get to talk about the plan for the project we were going to cram do for tomorrow, and didn't hear of anything from my groupmates besides the time they called to get my locker code. Our materials for the project were there. I slept the whole day. The sprain started getting bruises. Now I'm too squemish to even look at it.

In the afternoon, I heard that classes the next day were suspended. To think I still had too much to do, I left books at the locker I needed to review, and lots of important stuff.

Now I'm here typing this post. I still can't walk, and I had a hard time going upsatirs to the room. The sprain looks worse, more swollen and bruised, but I'm not worried about that right now. I'm more worried about the requirements for next week and the periodical tests.

Of all times to get a sprained ankle.


Signing off.


*Edit (Dec. 1)- added title*

Hiatus on Hell Week

This is the first time I've put this blog on hiatus. That's because I didn't really need to because my schedule still allowed time for updates. Now, well, my sked is maddening. There's too much work so I couldn't come up with things to post besides complaining about piled-up school work.

I'll be back on December 1 or 2 to update, when I don't have much to do except study for the periodical tests.

Wait for me until then.

I should have put up this kind of announcement a week ago.


Signing off.

Blog post, again. I’m back, still sick and somewhat somber. I don’t feel all that cheerful, yet there’s nothing to be depressed about.

And I’m tired as well. There’s a lot to do at school right now, and I’m tired of staying up late at night, and even on weekends, doing homework, reviewing, etc. Then when I come to school, the work I had done the other night isn’t of any use.

I’m supposed to go to the doctor. I was supposed to for a long time. The colds and cough lasted for almost a month now, yet I haven’t had a check-up yet. My schedule doesn’t time for a check-up :P . Even weekends are filled up with tutorials and homework sessions. Anyway, who gives a darn about health and sanity? Academics seem more important to other people. The adults here can just make a honey and garlic concoction for cough at home (which is very hot) or go to the faith healer in the neighborhood *shudder*. -__-. I still feel sick.

Speaking of tutorials, I really didn’t want to go today. There wasn’t any new lesson to learn, and I found that the introduction to matrices, the next topic in school, was easy. We didn’t start with the introduction. I was taught augmented matrices, which takes a longer time to solve and the concept is harder. It is like solving systems of equations except it was designed for computers. I still don’t get why we have to know how to do that in that case. The problem I was given, a 3x3 square, took 20 minutes for me to solve and get correct. Even the tutor didn’t get the right answers. After that, I was taught multiplicative inverses of matrices. I was taught how to solve it. It’s just like solving augmented matrices. When I had to check if the answer was correct, I found out that I needed to use multiplication to check, which I still didn’t know then. That’s the only time the tutor taught me the definition of matrices, addition, multiplication, all those things which were simpler than the augmented matrices I learned at first. Learning backwards is hard.


Something random:

I just figured out that it’s easier to use a tablet on top of your lap or while holding it and with a laptop. It’s easier for me to use it like that. I haven’t been using it for a while because I don’t have the time and I can’t transfer my line art to the computer (the digicam I use to take a shot of it and upload is broken). Hopefully, I’ll be able to make something with it.

Signing off.

Was the study partner survey in meant to outcast people? Was it to make the ones who didn't have any close friends who would think of them unwanted by the class?

And I thought it would be better at home. I told this to my dad, and he didn't let me finish explaining and started making generalities.

I'm in a bad mood.


I need to cool down. Signing off.

Trip to Majayjay. Do I have to narrate the whole trip like people at school who read my blog expect me to? I don't feel like telling the whole story. It was fun, though.

I'm doing homework, just like whenever I'm online -_- and posting at the same time. It's my dad's birthday today, and I want to finish everything before dinner. I think it's impossible. I still abhor being loaded with requirements, but everything needs to be done. Oh, well.

Everything seems to be going well academically. I'm still whining about all the stuff to do, yet I'm able to get over it. The load is only piling up as homework and take-home quizzes and only 2 projects as of now. The rest of the projects will come a few weeks before the periodical tests.

Now, let’s talk about grades. I was afraid that my grades became lower, but most of them became higher. My overall average is higher; I got an average of 1.464 and I’m back in the Director’s List. Here are my grades, which I don’t know if I should be proud of them or if they’re not high enough to show off.

Biology- 1.50 (one step down)
Chemistry- 2.00 (one step up)
Physics- 1.25 (one step up)
Geometry- 1.75 (retained)
Algebra- 2.00 (retained)
Computer Science- 1.50 (one step down)
English- 1.50 (one step up)
Filipino- 1.25 (retained)
Social Science- 1.00 (one step up)
PEHM- 1.25 (one step up)
Values Education- 1.25 (retained)
Art- 1.25 (one step up)
Environmental Science- 1.50 (one step up)

No time to celebrate now. I've got to finish my homework.


Signing off.

Happy All Saints' Day!

Didn't get to watch those Halloween specials being shown on TV. I would have watched the shows about ghosts and stuff if I wasn't so sleepy.

Who gives homework on such a glorious one-day semestral break? This is the only time we get to go visit the cemetery, stay at the cemetery, go around the cemetery until nightfall, stay over at the cemetery in the dark. Oh, yeah. And clean my room which reminds me of a cemetery.

I don't see why my sister should get her turn in using the computer for the rest of the day. She has her whole sem break to fool around with it and I've got to finish some homework.

In case you didn't notice o_0 I changed the layout.

Signing off.

Fair. It was fun. Even though I don't have much money left anymore. The photo booth turned out okay. I was able to bike a few times, even though it was expensive. Being caught by the jail booth looked fun. Didn't get to watch most of the Battle of the Bands. Finally had my shift. Didn't get to shoot a single picture (I wish my digicam was working). Had fun at the fair concert.

But I was alone the whole time. *groan*

Oh, well. There are more not-so-lonely days at school to come. We don't have a semestral break.


Signing off.

I'm here, posting again. Still sick right now, but I feel better than last time. A lot better. My temperature lowered from 38.5 deg Celsius last night to 37.5 right now. And I still don't know what caused it.

I was able to talk to my parents about the problem from last week. It still bothers me, although not as much. I want to see what developments may come tomorrow. What's the problem in the first place? Not telling, but I'm giving some hints. It's something to do with an event I walked into that I wouldn't seem to mind about at all. Not too many people know about that. That's all. I've almost gotten over it.

Now, I'm thinking of how to improve this blog. No matter how much I update, I'm still not satisfied with it. It's hard to explain.

Tag board is still down. Try using the comments.


Signing off.

I'm Sick

I think I'm coming down with something. I tried measuring my temperature a while ago and read 38 degrees Celsius. I feel drowsy and my thighs still hurt from PE. Yeah, I'm not supposed to be logged in right now and typing this post, but something is just bothering me.

Something else makes me sick and it disturbs me more than a possible infection due to a pathogen. It has something to do with school, something that happened this week. I guess no one else knows that it affected me a lot.


Signing off.

Impatience Leading to Trouble

Weird title. It's a track from the Wild Arms 3 OST. I was looking through the soundtrack when I found this title. It's a coincidence that it

About it: My sister keeps on interrupting me while I'm talking, so I started getting annoyed with her, then we argue. Then Dad scolds everyone, me for not taking command and all the things I find useless that he tells when he gets angry at his kids. Then everyone else at home starts acting like a jerk. I hate it.

And even with patience, it's inevitable that you still get into trouble. With all those things to do at school (Why do we still have so many second quarter requirements after the periodical tests, all of them due this week?), it seems like the trouble never ends.

Gah. And I don't want to start with my grades.

Signing off.

The world looks as if it's crashing down. That's depressing.

At long last, I get to update this waste of webspace. Now, let's get on with the mental torture.

I'll start with academics. Dreaded academics. The periodical tests were harrowing. After thinking about how I did in all the tests, I think my grades might go down by one or two steps. Everything seems unstable. That's depressing.

I feel like I'm not being true to myself. And that I keep on bottling up what I really feel. I'm scared of seeming like a different person sometimes. Those might be why I feel misunderstood. That's depressing.

The tag board is not working. That's depressing.

Signing off. That's still depressing.

This is one of those posts about a multitude of things, again.

Again with schoolwork. I got it all under control? Not yet. There's still stuff to worry about. Hope I could resolve those tonight so I'll have more time for other projects in the school days.

Wow. It's only now that I've heard of that release. The rearrangements of some tracks in the series OSTs sound exciting, based on the samples there. Too bad I can't really buy it. Gah, why does shipment have to be so much of a hassle? And while checking that out, I also tried to find some recent news about Wild Arms 5. Can't find many updates. For the meantime, I'm just looking around the WA Japanese site. Can't understand Japanese, though o_O.

And some other stuff.

I feel really sleepy, but I'm really used to staying up late working by now. Just a few more days and the agony will be over-- for a few months.

I want to change my layout now. Still not done coding the other one. I can't come up with a header. Hm, no header...

The info I researched about for the report on suicide is kind of disturbing.

And I haven't reviewed much for the periodical tests which are next week

Ending the randomness. Signing off.

Guess what happened this September 29. Besides no classes, Milenyo, the brownouts, clean ups, other things that related to the typhoon and things that aren't related to the typhoon.

I turned 14. Whoa.

I don't feel all that different from a few days ago. It's just that 14 sounds... different. And maybe I've changed since I turned 13. I still have yet to figure out how I did.


Signing off.

To make up for the days I could have posted but didn't get to because of the typhoon, power outage and homework, I'll be posting about what happened this week involving typhoon Milenyo.

I got home this Wednesday (late, as usual) to print out my EnviSci reports for the next day and to review a little for the coming long tests. At the door, I saw that the news was already on, showing something about a typhoon coming. Big deal. It's been raining hard for a while here, so it might not affect us that much. I just continued inside and saw my sisters slacking off, when they should have been doing homework. They said that typhoon Milenyo, a supertyphoon, was coming and that there were no classes. Yay. I forgot about doing all that work and went to sleep.

The next morning was pretty cold. Did the usual thing and got started on my homework. Alas, the electricity got cut off at around 11. Now all we did was watch as the coconut trees swayed to the very strong winds the whole day. We heard some trees falling on roofs, branches dropping on the chickens and the dog. Not much to do except to sleep, watch the chaos, sleep, then watch the chaos--in the dark.

There was electricity the next morning and most of the storm was over. What a way to start your birthday after all that trouble the day before. I went outside to see the glorious outdoors I missed for a day. Wow, the street was all green. Lots of trees fell on the street, all the banana plants were bent. I saw the cable that was disconnected during the storm and caused the blackout in our street. I heard from classmates that lots of them still don't have electricity. We also went out that day to see most of the city without electricity, lots of streetlights, posts and even billboards were blown down.That was probably the worst condition I've seen Metro Manila in after a typhoon.

News about Manila being in a state of calamity was really new to me. I thought that this location would never be as badly affected by a typhoon as the other "storm-prone". Such a metro we thought was very mighty was thrown into chaos after being passed by Milenyo for a few hours.

I think there was a lot to learn from this.

• What goes up must come down.
  
• Preparation for a storm is key.
  
• Be thankful.
  
• If you weren't so fortunate, be hopeful.
  
• Try to finish your homework before something unexpected happens. No, seriously.
  
• Gray doesn't know how to conclude posts.
  

Hope everyone is still intact, in one way or another.

Ranting about requirements. Again.

Days started at 5 am, ended at past 12 midnight, mainly because of schoolwork. Hope it doesn't go on like that until the end of the 2nd quarter. Now I'm exhausted from that schedule. While I really feel like sleeping to make up for those hours in the night spent for doing things, I'm still bothered by the many requirements I have to finish.

If it's bothering me so much, why am I writing this post right now?

I seriously want to do something not related to school. With all this work, how can I? School isn't the only thing we are involved with; it isn't our whole life. It just, unfortunately, happens to take up most all of our time.

But still, the work has to be done.


Signing off.

It's a Monday today. There isn't much left to do for tomorrow, but lots to do for the other long-term projects. Now I don't know whether to continue these or leave them for later because I'm sleepy or to do them now. Meh, might as well do them now. I don't care about sleep. But sleep is nice. But you don't even know that you slept and are still tired after you sleep. What's the use?

And what's the use of these posts about nothing?

This might be used to record my mental activity these days. I don't know if this can even be called activity. Also, my mind is more focused on school.

Oh, yeah. The periodical exams are less than a month away.

I need to post something other than about requirements to keep what is left of my sanity. Something about layout design (designer's block), drawing (no time for that), video games (no time for that, either), or a long post about myself (absolutely no time for that).

Sleepy. Signing off.

The Return

The return of the piled-up requirements. How fun.And I haven't finished at least one of them yet.

Now, let's get to know all of them.

1. Geometry- Kusudama, the ball origami. I still haven't figured out how to fold them.
   
2. Envi Sci- Compile 10 reports about pollution. Found 5 >_<.
   
3. Chemistry- Portfolio. What the?
   
4. Values Ed- Report on suicide. I can actually motivate myself to do this one. I've been thinking about this topic for a while (not that I am considering it.), read about it and talked about it with my parents and counselors before. I even volunteered to be the leader of the group.
   
5. Art- Part 1. Research. Overwhelming.
   Part 2. Gallery visit. As if I have the time to go to Megamall, with all these stuff to do.
   Part 3. Avant garde. Got the idea. Don't know what kind of project to do.
   
6. and beyond. Some things that I might have forgotten to place here. Or new projects that might be given this week. >_<
   

This morning, I was feeling kind of sick. Woke up, then ate, then slept for another 3 hours. Wasn't able to do any progress with these for that reason.

Anyway, got to get back to work.


Signing off.

Once Again, Another Uninspired and Disorganized Post

Okay, so I feel obliged to post here because the Humanities Week is over and everyone is talking about it in their blogs. I have only a few things to say about it. Good job, everyone. And good riddance. It's over.

Woke up at 8 yesterday and still felt sleepy. We went to do errands at a grocery which I haven't been to for more than a year. I almost got lost looking for the sugar. Couldn't find the tea.

I didn't get to rest yesterday afternoon. I spent the whole time surfing the internet and planning another layout (I'm starting to grow out of this one).

And now I feel like there's a secret being kept from me. I got a part of a given statement on it, did some investigation but can't put everything together and get the truth.

Sloth is taking over right now. I'm not in the mood to do stuff right now, even though there's lots to do.


I'm signing off.

Life? Well, it's okay right now.

Except for the successive deadlines and presentations this week.

It's all right.

Not completely. I'm exhausted from all this endless thinking about things (most are not related to school). My bedtimes become later by the day. Depression seems like it's coming out of nowhere. I miss something.... Um, well.

Blogging. I just can't seem to blog as "freely" as I used to. Sorry if this post was disappointing.


Will end this misery-inducing post by signing off.

Asparagus is the root, er, vegetable of all frustration

I don't know why I should appreciate asparagus. It's something that I can eat, but would rather not eat. So what if a few stalks of it on a steak could raise its price by a few hundred pesos? Value isn't only determined by price. It won't make me like it more.

Why am I so worked out about that darn asparagus?

For the first time in a while, the week has ended and I'm not all that exhausted now. I guess it's because we haven't had any major requirements. The depression has sort of lessened because there were some delightful things that happened. I'm still not sure exactly what those were, but they happened. I also finished the essay I was stuck with, even though I'm not all that satisfied with it.

I still don't believe that it is already the end of the week. The time when you do less work, lay back and sleep. Not this one. I'm still thinking of things and the endless chain of thought hasn't stopped yet. There are different things in my mind, but they, weirdly, are connected to each other. The thing about something I thought was true, then I found out was false, but then heard something related that I'm not sure is true. That, then how it affects my dealings with things related to that concern. Then it goes on. I hope it ends soon. Can't sleep well.


Oh, yeah. And have a good weekend. :)

Signing off.

Hey. It's been a while since I last posted. I've been too busy with the outside world to post. Sorry about that.

Wait, I always use that phrase when I apologize here. Just noticed.

I'm kind of drained right now. I keep on thinking about these nagging concerns at school, both academic (grades, a homework I missed, a quiz I think I failed in, etc.) and non-academic (heheh, can't think of too many examples at the moment so... etc.). And there are some things that I keep on thinking of and can't figure out, like the kind of depression I've been having for a while. Everything just seems to pile up on you. As soon as I've finished my homework, I'm going to bed immediately. They say sleep might calm down stress. But it never really does.

Oh, yeah. I'll try to figure out the slope of the stairs at school to see why I fell from it today. I'm curious about it, for some strange reason.

There is more I want to type about, but my thoughts are, well, messed up tonight.


Signing off.

Post Exam Post

I still feel too tired to post, but at least I got some sleep. The exams are done and it's time to slack off again. Well, not totally. But at least we're through with first quarter and starting off slow again.

I'm not really looking forward to seeing the results of the tests, though. I don't feel like I did my best.

The batch party last night wasn't that bad. Some parts of it were fun. I was just worried about our class presentation because I missed the practice while taking the Bio post quarter test and some "technical difficulties" with my clothes. Not much dancing after the main program. I would have danced if people I knew danced with me. You know that feeling of security while doing something supposedly embarrassing. It still was a great night. The only bad thing was that a cup of cola spilled on the floor. Almost all of my stuff survived the deluge, but my sketchbook ended up all soggy. Meh.

Now, I'm just fooling around with the computer. Photoshop. Layout. I'm out of ideas.

Will post next time.


Signing off.

Whoever is reading this right now is probably supposed to be studying/doing some sort of work but is stalling in the Internet, just like me. Oh, well. Go on reading.


I'm sleepy.

Hell week is over. Haven't gotten much rest from that yet. It's kind of okay, though. All the requirements have been passed. Now all that's left are the CS long test and periodical tests. Now hell week isn't the only week that is hell.
I hope I pass (and that everyone else will).

I'm still sleepy.

I'm stuck here at home reviewing while my sisters and brother are at the mall, the cool, air conditioned mall. I'm a bit envious.

And I'm still sleepy.

I'll be back when I feel better (when the perio are over or as soon as I take a nap).


Signing off. I have get back to reviewing.

Influenza, Requirements, Three Stooges Syndrome and The Usual Titles that Go Like This

I didn't post last week because I was feeling sick. I didn't post the week before that because I had a flu. Sorry, guys. I guess I just feel too sick and sleepy to go to the computer and post regularly.

More than 12 requirements (long tests, projects) are due next week. If I didn't notice that kind of schedule we're given on the last week of the quarter, then... I don't really know what to do besides being shocked. And the last week of the quarter means that the exams are near. Then what does the periodical exams being near mean?

I also went to the seminar on Speech Choirs. The project sounds hard, but the seminar was fun and I learned lots from it. Maybe a lot on how to present the piece, but I liked the stuff on how to lead the presentation. The tips help because of some problems I'm having with "group dynamics" for a project now.

And there's a new problem that bothers me. Somehow, feelings about things are piling up that I don't know which one I'm affected by more. Just like the Three Stooges Syndrome from The Simpsons. Lots of stuff tick me off, stress me out, mortify me or the feelings that just make everything all jumbled up. But I don't know how to be relieved of them.

I seriously want to do stuff in the computer now, like code layouts or draw something, or at least do something that isn't school-related, but the load doesn't allow (Lots of cramming work to do. Yay.).


Signing off.

Non-School Related Post

I feel the long weekend slipping through my hands already. For the first 2.5 days of it, I played the Magna Carta game that I quit and dug out again. I can't find any new RPGs to play. For the rest of it, I worked on this layout and went out somewhere.

It's been a while since I've been designing layouts. I started this one when some inspiration from other people's sites (probably caused by envy of their cool layouts) hit me like typhoon Florita just recently. This one looks like it was thought of for a week, considering my tendency to procrastinate with these things. It only took me 30 minutes to make the graphics and an hour to fix everything else. Just like the other layouts, it looks weird. Weird and bright.

My sister says it doesn't fit me and the way I post. The blue and the gray were part of the original plan, since my blog is kind of calm and discreet. I just added orange because I was forced to look at color wheels recently for a project. It contrasts with the other colors, making it look less dull. I just don't know if it reflects my personality. What kind of person am I, if I'm even one?

I also "rediscovered" some old scraps of paper from before, and I found a story that I thought of, supposedly for the English Sci-Fi play last year. It was a different one from the other story I suggested. It's about people in a new settlement in a far-off planet after the Earth was destroyed by... I don't know. I didn't continue it because I couldn't think of some details in the plot. After that, I created a soundtrack for it in case that was the story we were going to present. Mostly Guilty Gear themes and some others. Also tried sketching how the characters look like, the locations, etc. I feel a little bad that I didn't go on working on it.

Currently absorbed with:

• Homework. Oh, man.


• Trying to fix the header part of the layout.


• Magna Carta: Tears of Blood


• Trying another layout


• Completing the story about people in a new settlement in a far-off planet after the Earth was destroyed by... I don't know. I should give it a title.

Signing off.

I just noticed that this is my 101th post in this blog. Ah, well.

The weekend is here!

And it's really relieving. A break from the hectic and insanity-inducing schedule at school. Even the homework for next week is less than what we usually have. I'm even done with most of them. All that's left is to study for the long tests for the week.

I'm kinda stuck here. Here's a site that was suggested in School Arts (forgot what issue) for some inspiration for our Art project. We were assigned to do something like Monet's Water Lilies. I don't really have ideas yet.

We're going to Tagaytay tomorrow. Um, yeah. I forgot how it looks like since it's been a while I've gone there. The last time was on a Grade 4 field trip, but we only visited a retreat house.

I want to make some more new pages for some sites, play video games, draw stuff and take pictures but my sked doesn't seem to allow.

I want new batteries for my digicam. I haven't been going out recently, heheh.


I crave for... lasagna.

That was random. Will post next time.

Signing off.

Increasing workload. And it's just the 3rd week. Now that is an example of exponential growth.

Now I know that the upperclassmen and the teachers weren't exaggerating when they said that sophomore year is really busy. Performance-wise, well, I'm not sure. Lots of homework every night, so my average bedtime is around eleven pm. Not much time to enjoy the weekend because were busy doing projects and studying for long tests. Right now, I'm typing a few reports due this week. I've still got to finish my submission for the Art Club.

The project involving this made my weekend somewhat miserable, even though it was easy to find interviewees. I also liked the painting *might be stoned by other classmates*, but I fear that no one will be able to really describe it.

Despite all that, I'm enjoying school. I like (almost) all of my classes. The teachers are understanding when it comes to lessons. My classmates and most batchmates are easy to get along with. I hope there would still be those stuff that'll keep me optimistic about school.

Oh, come on. I'm dying here. I hope I could have a good dinner and sleep enough tonight.

School Post, Again

I'm back from school again.

It was fun this week. Even though we've got lots (lots and lots and LOTS) of requirements piled up, the classes are still interesting and worth attending. Somehow, achievements now feel more rewarding that last year. I'm not really able to explain why.

Classmates are still bearable, I think ^^;.

Now I prefer being dismissed late. The time between dismissal and the time the carpool leaves is kind of boring, since I have nothing to do then but read and do some homework. I don't like having to be responsible in telling everyone the service's activity. It pisses me off >:P.

And this morning, I woke up at 5. I couldn't go back to sleep, so I ended up finishing my Algebra homework. Meep.

I hope I can do something that isn't school-related this weekend.

First Week Flop

Back from school. I was actually supposed to post this last Friday, but I fell asleep before I got a chance to log in. It isn't as thrilling as when you post right after things happen to you, but I'll just go on. After this I'll log out to rewrite my Algebra homework. Meep. >_<

Sophomore year. It is hard, even on the first week. Seems that I can't chill out as much as I did last year. Academics has become a lot more challenging. Lots of classes, homework and activities. Right now, I think it just needs some getting used to.

But I can't get used to the amount of work to do. It's only the first week and we have so much to do at school and at home already.

Right now, I'm alright with Champaca. Don't see any problems with other classmates there, and I hope it'll stay that way.

I feel kind of foolish after this week. All the changes seem so awkward. Or am I the only one whose changed? Now that I really got used to school, I want to find opportunities for "improvement" by being a little more outgoing and trying more activities. But none of those efforts seem welcomed. It feels like the start of last year. I don't know if anyone understands this but let's leave that topic as is.

And some stuff about home... ah well. Nothing right now.

Signing out.

Just 1 more day to go. What can I accomplish on that day before I go back to school?

Pack my things, put some ongoing non-academic projects on hold, get some sleep. That's a lot to do. Just an assessment.

After school starts, I'll try to update at least twice a month. I think I can do that, because I instantly go online when everything school-related is done like last year. Unless sophomore year is as nerve-wracking and extremely fast-paced as people say. I just hope they'll make more sense since there's something to write about. Layout changes will take longer, though.

Something makes me feel like this won't be my last post before classes start. I might come back tomorrow.

Signing off.

Am I Ready for School?

Going back to school. It means some good things and bad things. My brain will go back to its usual active state.

I'll have some things to motivate me to work: my grades (position in DL status), stipends, my pride. Sorry if that sounded cynical and boastful, but those are really the things that drive me to do well in school.

Then the bad stuff.

Workload. 39 hours at school every week isn't exactly fun. 13 subjects that we'll be getting homework from at least weekly. I just have to do is mow down all of this pests then I'm home free. How I'll do it is still being thought of.

I'll be mostly alone and unnoticed in a sea of people again. But does it really matter if I'm popular or know lots of people? I'm already content with being in good terms with everybody.

There are stuff that I really hate about going to school. There are those moments, some figures and negative far-off philosophical thoughts about ordinary things that'll pop out of my head, the system of doing stuff is disorganized, and the people who have "ways" get their way easily. I'm sure that my schoolmates sort of know what I mean. What I hate more is b****ing or being all depressed about these things that I have no control of. It's not worth spending so much energy on. I just plan to get through it all. Then take out the trash.

That was a messy paragraph. Forgive me.

It just that I read this "angsty" post complaining about school that kind of irritates me, even though I can relate to it. I still want to believe that there are some parts of school, especially the education I get from it, wherein all the motives are pure and good.

Back to original discreet mood. Ah, never mind. I don't have anything else to say.

Have fun at school, everyone (um, for the good things it has).


Signing off.

Happy 6/6/06, everyone!

Naw, I don't believe something unfortunate will happen today. Just that it's neat how the numbers match up.

The first thing you might have noticed when you entered is the layout change. I finally placed it up when I found out that Walagata switched off all free accounts, including mine. So I found another image host for the header pic. It took me a while to clear up the coding, add new content on the sidebar. I'm not too satisfied with the header, but I think it overall it looks okay.

A new discovery: I just found the smudge tool in Photoshop. Perfect for blending colors. Kind of late because I could have used that tool for a few drawings I finished. Wah.

And that's about it for now.


Signing off.

Last week of summer vacation. I'm alone here at home because my sisters are at school already. My classes still start on June 13.

I'm doing all of the stuff that I can before school starts. I wish I could go out some more, but I don't have enough money for that. I'm not willing to finish my drawings with all these people at home peeking while I do it. I'm stuck reading my textbooks here at home. Kind of depressing.

I'm looking forward to school so that I'll have something to do and get stipends while I'm at it.

Need sleep. I watched the reruns of this week's Fullmetal Alchemist episodes last night on Animax. Watched the first 4 episodes starting at 6 o' clock. I had a hard time sleeping so I caught the last episode at 1 am. Then it took me a few more hours to go to sleep. I woke up at 8. My head hurts.

It's a short post. Not in a blogging mood now.


Signing off.

Whoa. It's already June 1st here. I never thought that summer vacation would fly quick. It's probably because of swimming classes, SEP, days when I sleep the whole day. There were also days where time slows down, like when I feel like I surfed the whole Internet.

I didn't go out as much as I wanted to. There's tons to do at the mall like looking for video games, playing at the arcade, eating out and checking out the whole building, but it's crowded with people avoiding the heat. I'd rather go around the metro than to a beach, but no one at home was willing to take me out (I'm still not allowed to go out by myself.).

And there were also lots of things that I really wanted to do this summer but wasn't able to. I wanted to try out PHP, but I was banned from staying on the computer too long. Wasn't able to code layouts for this site and a few others also because of that. As a root of constant unmotivation throughout the vacation I didn't draw much anime pics. They still have the same slightly crappy style I had months ago. Yay for no practice! The most pathetic of all: I have yet to finish cleaning my room. Sheesh.

I hoped to have a more well-spent summer vacation, but most of it wasn't realized. At least I was able to rest up a lot and prepare for school. And about school, I'm still not all that excited to go, but I'm ready.


Signing off.

Blogger's block, blogger's block. Can't find something to blog about. That kind of explains my long absences.

Registration took a long time yesterday. It was disorganized, as usual, but I expected worse. I'm in Champaca this year. It doesn't bother me in any way right now, actually. Now I have one more thing to do at home: try to figure out all the new textbooks.

I've also started drawing again. Yay. The laziness is wearing off and the motivation is coming back. The thing is, my drawing style has yet to improve. Oh, man.

Blogger's block.

Signing off.

It's hard to be depressed without knowing what you're even depressed about. Lacking inspiration, being overwhelmed by things, expectations for myself that are too high, or maybe just laziness? This only happens on vacations. I don't know why.

Back to drifting through the last days of summer, doodling on the computer and taking 5-hour naps everyday. What a lousy post. I was actually here to put this blog on hiatus because I can't post "well". Oh, well.

You Are a Seeker Soul

You are on a quest for knowledge and life challenges. You love to be curious and ask a ton of questions. Since you know so much, you make for an interesting conversationalist. Mentally alert, you can outwit almost anyone (and have fun doing it!). Very introspective, you can be silently critical of others. And your quiet nature makes it difficult for people to get to know you. You see yourself as a philosopher, and you take everything philosophically. Your main talent is expressing and communicating ideas. Souls you are most compatible with: Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

You Are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits. Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle. Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it. You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.

What Time Of Day Are You?

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Gray!

1. Worldwide, Gray is the most important natural enemy of night-flying insects.
2. The ace of spades in a playing card deck symbolizes Gray.
3. Gray is black with white stripes, not white with black stripes!
4. Every day in the UK, four people die putting Gray on.
5. About 100 people choke to death on Gray each year.
6. Gray can use only about ten percent of her brain!
7. If the annual Australian Gray crop was laid end to end, it would stretch around the world seven times!
8. Europe is the only continent that lacks Gray.
9. Only one person in two billion will live to be Gray.
10. Gray can grow up to three feet in a 24 hour period.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

This one was fun to fool around with.

Signing off.

Update... finally. I just feel too unmotivated to post today.

I'm exhausted. SEP just ended today, meaning no more Math homework, waking up early and commuting far distances. We ate out after the class. Then it took us 20 minutes to find an FX to our place. I hated the dust, muck and heat while waiting. When I got home, I hit the sack immediately. A few hours later, I was woken up by my cousin for a phone call. With all the people awake, I had to be the one to answer it when it was my mom just checking on us. She should have just called one of my sisters, who were both awake or something. After that, I fell asleep again. 30 minutes later, my sister woke me up beca.... PSSSH, never mind! To summarize it, I was tired today and I still am.

The header pic isn't showing. I tried logging into Walagata a few times, but it says that my user ID doesn't exist. I don't know what happened.

Neo Wings was updated yesterday. Care to check it out? Check the links on the sidebar. I feel too lousy to even hyperlink it here.

10 minutes later: This is the 5th time I was interupped while typing this post. Can it get any worse?

I'm going to bed before that happens.

"Time for dinner!", I hear from downstairs. Good thing I'm done with this post or else I'll... But I'm not connected and it will take time to connect and publish this, so I will be called about 80 more times.

I can't take it anymore. I'll just sign out before I get called again and jump out of the window. I'll log into the Internet tomorrow in a good mood, hopefully.

Signing off.

It's been almost a week since I've last posted. Sorry about that. Our computer was fluking again. We brought the CPU to a repair shop to get fixed. The problem: accumulated dirt inside it. This isn't the first time this happened.

Then we also had power failures for the rest of the week. Today, the power was cut from 10 in the morning to 7 in the evening. There was nothing to do for the rest of the day, but I did get to accomplish a lot of things that I keep putting off like doing SEP homework and cleaning my room.

I'm now working on a Mother's Day gift for Mom. Since I grew out of crafts and greeting cards, I'm making her a Flash presentation. I'll try it for this year and hope that she will like it.


It's cold. Yay!

Um, yeah. I like cold and windy weather.


Well, signing off.

May Means Mid-Vacation...

...And mid-vacation means I've already done a lot on my break and I only have a while till we're back to racking my brains at school. Both exciting and depressing.

I still haven't finished my homework for Geometry classes on Tuesday. Better get working on it. After the class, I'm going with my family for some school shopping. Oh man, the more I can't wait for exams and homework a plenty.

Swimming classes. Can't master the arm pull. It's better than the swimming classes at school when I didn't understand it at all. It ends on Friday. :(

I posted mainly because I haven't updated for 5 days. Need inspiration.


Signing off.

More Stuff To Do?

Math classes were harsher today. Showing proof.

Swimming classes start tomorrow. Great, my brain hurts and now everywhere else will start aching, too. I need to learn how to, though, because I didn't during swimming at school.

Tablet. Tablet, tablet, tablet, tablet, tablet. Still trying to master it. I've already learned how to handle it. I also started drawing stuff using it.

Neo Wings revamp: still working on it. The fix was on hold since December 2005. It's May 2006... I neglected it for that long. Next attraction will be Perfect Imperfection Version 4.

Oh, yeah. I got a haircut yesterday. It was a quick decision, but I like it and won't be changing it for a while. Now my hair is drastically different from last school year. Hope I would still be recognized.


It's been a long time since I've taken one of these things.

Your Power Level is: 70%

You're a very powerful person, and you know that all of your power comes from within. Keep on doing what you're doing, and you'll reach your goals.

How Powerful Are You?

Naw, I don't believe it.


Signing off.

Tablet

Last night, we met our uncle and aunt in the airport. They came to visit their families in the province. It's been a year since I last saw them. I think we'll get to see them on mid-May on the town fiesta in their place.

They brought me a graphics tablet I impatiently (and sleeplessly) waited 2 months for. I can't find one easily here, and I don't have the money to buy one. I couldn't thank them enough for it. :D

I already started trying it out this morning. It feels a bit awkward using the tablet at first. Can't get used to moving it across the screen and all that. It's not as easy as it looks.


Uh, well. Signing off.

Survey Says...

Sorry for the double post yesterday. There was just something wrong with the connection then I made it reload.

I don't have anything to post today except a survey I took a while ago.

45 of the most random things you probably never needed to know about someone
whats your name spelt backwards?:	yarg. No real names.
What did you do last night?:	Played Insaniquarium
The last thing you downloaded onto your computer?:	Re:START- Yakitate!! Japan ED#4
Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery?:	I might...
Last time you swam in a pool?:	April 8 this year
What are you wearing?:	Ratty house clothes
How many cars have you owned?:	I wish I owned one.
Type of music you dislike most?:	Blissful love songs and novelty songs
Are you registered to vote?:	Not yet
Do you have cable?:	Yes
What kind of computer do you use?:	A very slow and spyware-infested one
Ever made a prank phone call?:	No and never will
You like anyone right now?:	Nope
Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?:	Both if possible
Furthest place you ever traveled?:	U.S.
What's your favorite comic strip?:	Pugad Baboy!
Do u know all the words to the national anthem?:	When I sing it, yes. When I write it, no.
Shower, morning or night?:	Both times
Best movie you've seen in the past month?:	Fearless
Favorite pizza toppings?:	Veggies and cheese
Chips or popcorn?:	Chips
What cell phone provider do you have?:	Globe, though I used to have Smart 2 years ago.
Have you ever smoked peanut shells?:	Naw
Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?:	I was never born to do those stuff
Orange Juice or apple?:	Orange juice
Who were the last people you sat at lunch with?:	My dad
favorite chocolate bar?:	Does Choc-Nut count?
Who is your longest friend and how long?:	My parents and for 13 years
Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?:	We never grew tomatoes.
Have you ever won a trophy?:	I wish I did but my cheapskate school in elementary never gave any.
Favorite arcade game?:	Mostly fighting games. I like Guilty Gear most. If only I remembered how to play it.
Ever ordered from an infomercial?:	No
Sprite or 7-UP?:	7-Up
Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school/work?:	Ever since nursery.
Last thing you bought at Walgreens?:	I don't go to Walgreens.
Ever thrown up in public?:	No. Good thing.
Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love?:	For now, gimme the money.
Do you believe in love at first sight?:	Not love, but infatuation at first sight.
SPONGEBOB OR JIMMY NEUTRON?:	Spongebob
Did you have long hair as a young kid?:	Quite long
What message is on your voicemail machine?:	Don't have one.
Where would you like to go right now?:	To the fridge and somehow fit myself into the freezer.
Whats the name of your pet?:	Our dogs ran away...
What kind of back pack do you have, and what's in it?:	Nautica with nothing but air inside it.
What do you think about most?:	About what I don't and/or can't have.
Take this survey | Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

I guess that's all for today.

Signing off.

Brain and Back Breakdown

Back to "school" tomorrow. I'm ready for another 4 hours of the Math SEP. I got the homework ready today, but I don't understand exactly the instructions. I just hope my brain won't be malfunctioning like it has been doing these days.

I haven't been getting much sleep. When I lie on my left side like I usually do, my left shoulder starts aching. I turn to the other side, then my right side hurts. I try sleeping on my stomach and it feels alright, only I can't breathe well because of a 3-week cold. Then repeat.

Man, I wish I remembered how to draw. I can't at the moment.


An eventful week it is.

Signing off.

In Between Black and White

Behold! After 7 months, I finally changed the blog layout. It still looks like the Minima template I used before, but I kept it's clean and readable look in the layout. The picture of the sky was edited; it's not a real gray sky. It is mostly gray, just like its creator. The whole thing took 30 minutes, since the style was patterned from PIWTHI. That's pretty much all I have to say about it.


Rushed and badly-written long post below (Our dial-up is merciless.):

But what does gray mean? And why did I choose that name when I first started here? Let's start with the typical dictionary entry in these kinds of essays.

From Merriam-Webster:

Main Entry: gray
Pronunciation: 'grA
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English gr[AE]g; akin to Old High German grIs, grA gray
1 a : of the color gray b : tending toward gray(blue-gray eyes) c : dull in color
2 : having the hair gray : HOARY
3 : clothed in gray
4 a : lacking cheer or brightness in mood, outlook, style, or flavor; also : DISMAL, GLOOMY b (a gray day) : prosaically ordinary : DULL, UNINTERESTING
5 : having an intermediate and often vaguely defined position, condition, or character (an ethically gray area)
- gray·ly adverb
- gray·ness noun


That first part shows the meanings of "gray". But which did I have in mind when I chose my online nickname. The real answer: none. At those times, I would just type any name I could think of. If the name was taken, I would just come up with some other word I could call myself.


Now, 14 months after I came up with this random moniker I go around as, I've thought some reasons I picked this "subconsciously". It could have been a coincidence that some meanings in the dictionary matched up with my personality.

Definition 2: Yeah, my hair is a bit gray, not because of age.

Definition 4: Sort of. I used to be like that all the time when I was in elementary. Not so much nowadays, because I'm happier at school, got some counseling (and sometimes scolding) from adults, and I learned how to enjoy things more. It's still part of who I am, though it only shows when I'm really down on myself,

Definition 5: In the end, I think this meaning matches with what I am. In everyday decisions, I could easily pick one from another. But when it comes to character and identity issues, I could never be completely one side without showing it's opposite on another situation. I could never completely describe what I'm like. I can't be either white or black, but a part of each. There are times that I'm like a lighter gray in a grayscale slider, and other times having a darker gray color. Colors on this slider between #FFFFFF and #000000 (hex numbers for white and black) are all gray.

For now, I'm satisfied with this meaning of "gray" and will continue to use it as my name here. As for Perfect Imperfection, it will change faces as I find more ways I could define myself as besides between black and white.

End of rushed essay.




P.S. *****Spoiler (sort of) for Wild ARMs4*****
It's got something to do with this post. Check the English WA4 site and look at Arnaud's profile at Characters. It was never mentioned in the game, as far as I know. It surprised me, too.

Backaches, Math, Headaches and more Backaches

It's midweek again. Only one more Math session til the week ends. I enroled there to be able to understand second year Math more, but it just made me more confused. No use complaining because I have yet to finish the homework for tomorrow.

Life is a bit more painful physically. My cold has gotten worse. Also, maybe because of not sitting correctly in the Math program, the left side of my body ached the whole day.

Wait for a more positive post when I feel in the mood to post one. There are just some days when I like to dump my troubles on this forsaken amount of webspace.

Easter Post

John 3:16


Yes. Get up and go look at it in the Bible. Sometimes, we forget that.

Happy Easter. God bless you. :)



(It's also partly because I can't think of anything worth posting on this special day.)

Sorry for suddenly disappearing. I really didn't have time to post this week.


This is the start of the emotional part of the post. Don't read unless you want to know how "weak" I really am.

Well, I've been going to churches past few days. Gone to the ones in town and to Our Lady of Aranzazu today. It came up only recently, but something weird happens when I'm there. I suddenly think of things and start crying during mass and when we were praying. Maybe I just haven't been in touch with the Lord and with my thoughts these past months.

End.



Read the more positive part from here.

Is it possible to get a cold on a season like this? I did. I can't sleep well and get groggy a lot.

I just finished playing Wild Arms 4 this Monday. I've got to say, I really enjoyed the game even though it was short (It took me 30 hours or 1 week to finish the story part of the game.). I came to like the story a little more, though it was felt rushed near the end. Now, I'm unlocking the extras like Ex Keys, optional bosses, Extra Challenges, etc.. Next game to play: Probably WA: Alter Code F (can't find it) or Kingdom Hearts II, or I'll wait for Atelier Iris II. If I can't go out to buy games, I'll finish the games I stopped playing before school started or play my sister's Shadow Hearts III game, heh.

I'm really going to the Math classes on the 18th. Have to do something involved with academics to prevent my brain from rotting.

A new layout will come... probably. It's been 7 months since I did and I just edited the text and added banners in the first change. I'm not fond of blogskins that almost everyone at school uses, so I'll make my own and put a little more effort on it.
So far I've thought of:

• An abstract one. I could play around with Photoshop to make one.


• A video game-themed one by the new Wild Arms 4 addict. Don't get surprised if I actually do it.


• Something drawn by me. I'm uninspired, though, so I might use old art >_<.

I won't be able to do it tomorrow. I will sort of "ban" myself from the computer on Good Friday and Black Saturday. I might come back on Easter afternoon or on Monday.

Signing off.

I'm under time pressure now. My sister is going to chat with someone soon, so I'll be typing really short stuff.

Report cards were out this Wednesday. I guess my results were okay. A few subjects went down, but I'm still in the DL. Guess I'll type some more about it if I can.

Organizing a children's party is harder than I thought. The third in our family is having her 7th birthday soon and I'm hosting the games. It's hard to make up games, considering their age and capacity. I was planning some requiring more of wit and flexibility, but I guess not many of the kids will appreciate it.

Now that I'm on vacation, I have all the time to play video games unlike on school weekends. I finally got my hands on Wild Arms 4 and I can't stop playing. I don't enjoy the plot much, but the gameplay is highly addictive.


Time's up. Signing off.

April's Fool

Life must be some kind of nasty prank. No, it's a conspiracy.

Sorry for being negative on such a "festive" occasion. Some things happened. Just to make up for probably ruining the moods of some people, check this out.

April Fool's Day :)



Very short post. Signing off.

A Way to Start the Summer

I'm finally done getting my clearance signed. I'm a second year student already!

Meep. my weirdness is coming back, after long days of idleness. Is it a good thing?


Now, I'm really on a break. I started my summer vacation by cleaning out my room of the things that stress me out and rearranging it so everything feels refreshed.

This involves:

• dumping other peoples stuff that accumulated in my room in their respective places (their rooms, in the trash)
  
• shredding unwanted documents (diary entries that make no sense or are too angsty, failing Math homeworks and quizzes, uninteresting handouts, scrap drawings)
  
• getting my jackets ready for the summer! La Nina is here. This is my favorite kind of weather.
  

I've already done these stuff and the room is still a mess. I could have continued if I hadn't turned on the computer.

Oh, yeah. I've started a Johari and Nohari window. Just thinking I could learn more about myself from them. Check the sidebar.

To Batch 2009, see you at card giving day. :)

Congratulations to the graduating batch at school, whose commencement exercises are today.

To everybody else, enjoy the weather.

Are you Addicted to the Internet? 45% Average@Internet-User.com (41% - 60%) You seem to have a healthy balance in your life when it comes to the internet and life away from the computer. You know enough to do what you want online without looking like an idiot (most of the time). You even have your own Yahoo club or online journal! But you enjoy seeing your friends and going out to enjoy life away from your computer. The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Quiz Me!

3-Day Trip

I went to my parents' hometown with them and the rest of the family. We stayed there for three days to settle some things with our relatives tenants, or something like that. I didn't really understand that part. Glad it was somehow solved.

On the way there, I noticed a lot of changes in the province. It's a lot more commercialized than before, the beach is cleaner and of course the people grew older. Very different from when I last went there around 3 years ago.

After a few visits to our cousins house, lots of trips to the beach, sleepless nights and countless cuts from old and rusted objects, I still think that I'm better suited in the city. I just got used to the convenience and stress you get living here. I still like going there to break tedious routines.

I'm tired. I couldn't sleep in that house, for a certain reason.


Signing off.

Yesterday's batch trip to Enchanted Kingdom was great. It was my first time to go there, and it was better than I expected. I enjoyed the Space Shuttle most. Scary when the carts are going up slowly, but the rest of the ride was fun. You can't avoid screaming as it goes down the steep part because the force will kill you if you don't. Hope we can go again.

I also lost my cellphone twice that day. It was just clipped to a neck strap on both times. The first time was when I got off the bus after the trip. Good thing a busmate found it and forwarded it to someone to give to me. Second time I noticed it was gone was when I reached home. I found it on the living room floor. When Mom came home, she told me that I should just chain it on my neck so it won't get lost. I learned that it's more likely to get lost on my neck.

I still have to go to school next week to return my books (the line to the Property Office was a few miles long for the past week) and to complete my clearance.

Right now I'm supposed to review my sisters for their exams on Monday. Hard task. I have to pay attention to their Filipino, mostly. I'm also looking after my brother. It's harder tame him than helping the other two study.

I'm uninspired again. I was unmotivated to do the last Art plate, even though I like drawing portraits and fantasy art. I can't think of a good layout for this blog, content for the other site, draw something, and even a title for this post. Can't take the idleness anymore.

Give Gray shawarma on an uninspired day = :D = One happy kid Done!

I guess that's all for now. Signing off.

Relief Valve

What does a relief valve look like in a schematic drawing? The Tech Prep long test was harder than some of the other quarterly tests. Math is still the hardest.


The academic year is done.

Because of that, I'm not really thinking of what I'll do at school, except for our self-portrait project in Art and the Val Ed. film. Another thing is about my lost locker key. How am I going to be cleared by the Property office if I can't open it? I really have to find it.

We ate out yesterday with my family at a Japanese restaurant. I had my fill of sashimi after a long time. It's great to go on an outing without thinking of stuff to do for school afterwards. I miss that feeling.

I've already thought of stuff to do during the summer vacation. I'm taking swimming lessons so I won't have a hard time in P.E. like I did this year. I also accepted the advanced math classes offer that I got from the review center I used to go to for the high school entrance tests. Hopefully I'll be able to save money this week for stuff like art materials or video games for the rest of the summer. Expect that I will update Neo Wings, or you may lynch me.

And that's about it for now. Signing off.

Another day off from school. It gets boring at home. Wait, there's still a lot of work to catch up with, like reports and projects. It's hard to do group works while there are no classes. Right now, I need notes from a classmate for an IS report, since she keeps our experiment notes. I also have to talk to a groupmate about an ES project, but I have no way of contacting him. I still need to reread the first part of Heart of Darkness because I didn't get all the things that happened to Marlow before he met Kurtz. Math, as usual, isn't something I look forward to, even though I got the quadratic formula. Jericho the Lizard (our Art project) remains unfinished.

And I still have a cold.

Out of topic.


Can't all of us in the Philippines just get along?



Just noticed that the hit counter in this site increments in big intervals lately. Thanks for visiting this blog.

Signing off.

I came home from school at around 10. We heard the news about classes being suspended while we were already half-way there. The service vehicle couldn't even go out because of color coding (it got suspended later). So I just continued projects while we were there. While I was there, the driver and I talked about why there are lots of rallies today. I'm not fond of watching or reading news, but I enjoyed listening about the country's condition. From that converstion, I realized the importance of knowing current events.

It was also the first time I got to see a rally up close (see, I really don't go out of the house). There was one right in front of school, where the participants were probably those who live in the row of houses near there.

Now that I got the break from school that I wanted, I don't know what to do. I think I'll study or clean. Weird.

One more thing. This blog started on February 22, 2005. That means this blog is a year old already. Um, happy birthday?

Signing off.

Hello, once again.

I'm still playing around with the Adobe Photoshop CS my cousin gave me. It's a bit hard to figure out.

Last week's achievement tests were okay, except for Math. I worked on three-fourths of the items, only sure of at least half, then shotgunned the rest. It was the most stressful of the achievement tests. SocSci was also tricky.

Next week brings regular classes, more deadlines and more afternoon talks with friends. I'm only looking forward to the last thing I mentioned.

I took the Blogging Personality Quiz at About Web logs and I am...

The Daily Grinder
I love blogging because it's like therapy. I can write about anything and everything that happens to me - from the food I ate to what I was doing when I heard the latest 'breaking news'. Being able to communicate with my friends (online and/or real life) through my blog is important to me.

Will post again. Signing off.

This was supposed to be for yesterday.

I was supposed to post this yesterday, but our Internet connection was acting up again, so I saved in on my computer and put it off until I can go online. These were my thoughts yesterday.

There's no water here. We can't drink, cook, wash things or even use the toilet now. Now I know that I really need water all the time.

To the main post, though the stuff before has something to do with it. Happy Valentine's day, everyone.

I'm not in for the romantic aspect of love, but there are different kinds of it. Sure, I don't have a "partner" yet, but what do I care? I'm too young and indifferent for those things. I can only indulge in the so called "platonic love", meaning love for faith, family and friends and everything in life (this is where the thing about water goes). It seems more fulfilling than romance at this time of my life. I learn to love life and all it's good and bad parts. And that includes the work that I'm avoiding now >_<.

Back to present.

I really should update the zeitgeist and the media list here. I hope I remember.

BLUE You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive. Find out your color at Quiz Me!

You Should Learn Japanese

You're cutting edge, and you are ready to delve into wacky Japanese culture. From Engrish to eating contests, you're born to be a crazy gaijin. Saiko!

What Language Should You Learn?

I got to review for the achievement tests I will be taking this week.

Signing off.

Well...

I'm back to post for this week. It feels strange when I blog on any other day besides Sunday. Not used to it.

I still don't have any ideas for a new layout for this blog. I'm thinking of a non-black background. I might use blue or white. Well, it won't happen for a while. I'm still busy with school work.


An account of what we did at school (A very long paragraph, how fun.):

We had our science fair this week. This time, I did more work compared to the other week-long breaks we had. We had a visit from a foreign president and flew kites this Monday. Our class presented a sci-fi play, but everyone left before it finished. I had a role there, and I'm not too confident if I did well. The rest of the week, I just helped in the ushering and rode a scooter around the oval. I joined the school's Astronomy club's workshop where they taught students from other schools to use rule of hands and telescopes for stargazing. Yesterday, I ushered a group of students and a teacher in the Math competition. They came from outside Metro Manila, so I found it a bit hard to catch up with them. They were really nice, though. They didn't win and left early. The rest of the afternoon was spent fooling around before our batch stargazing. The stargazing this time was more organized, but I wish we did more activities like the club's stargazing last October. I'm still drowsy up to now; we slept at 3:30.


My life is still disorganized. I haven't started on some projects and we are being dumped with more work. I still have some things to do at home. Wish me luck, if it will ever come to me.


(Helyon, you did a good job in the play. It doesn't matter how loud an applause you received, as long as you know you did your best. And I've got to say, some people don't know what they should applaud for.)

Pop-ups and spyware must die...

I went to get my report card this morning when I heard the news about the stampede at Ultra. I lost my appetite this evening while watching the news on tv. I just don't know how to react. The most I can do right now is to give my sympathies to those who were, in one way or another, involved in the tragedy.



My report card didn't matter that much. I got into the Director's List last quarter, some grades went up and some down. I really should work harder, especially in Math. I keep on saying that, but nothing happens. I'll leave that thought at that.

Well, I was supposed to post what happened last week. School work, school work and more school work. I'm very tired already. No, wait. Even I don't have the right to say that. It's just about something I'd rather not bring up. Never mind.

There's still more to worry about. We were just assigned a Math homework by our teacher that is due on Monday. The class has a social issue analysis due next week and the class play is on Tuesday. We have folk songs to practice for next week, and I don't even know how Lawiswis Kawayan sounds like. I don't have the right to complain about those, either. My head is spinning.

Signing off...

Greetings, from the one who is supposed to be doing homework now. I'm stalling again, even though there really is a lot to do.

I'm in the Director's List again for the third quarter. Most of my grades went up and I retained my passing Math grade. Now, those marks, especially Math, seem hard to maintain because of the killer tests and mountains of projects and homework. I will try harder this quarter. Wish me luck.

I'm uninspired to do things again. I find my art homework like a chore. I still can't update Neo Wings and I don't have much to post about here. Sorry.

The pain has transferred from my head to my leg. I've got an inflammed wound on it that started as a blister, but "popped" later. It's infected now, and the scar is big. The wound being on my lower leg is a big problem because it constantly gets abused by chairs, lab stools and low tables.

Bye for now.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Disorder:	High
Schizotypal Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Disorder:	Low
Dependent Disorder:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

Okay

Our computer downloaded a virus from somewhere and was acting up for a week. It was taken to some place and fixed. And now, it's back. Now I'm typing here about why I didn't update last week.

Okay, back to life. Not bad.

The school fair was okay. We earned enough for the booth but a little for class funds. And no matter how much I hung out at the jail booth, no one bothered to catch me. There was a cosplay there that I wasn't able to watch. I only saw a few, and took pictures of some of them. I won't post any without their permission, even though the cosplayers were good. The concert last Saturday was okay, too. I didn't go there to see famous bands; I'm not the type who really knows rock bands by heart. I just went for the music, which was pretty much okay. And the Sunday after that was spent for catching up with the homework that I didn't do.

It was hard to get up on Monday, since I was still tired from the week before. Our school bus picked us up late and we arrived at school late. In a rushed and seemingly harmless trip to the washroom before the flag ceremony, I bumped my head on the cubicle door hard. I was tearing up a little from the impact, and the bump swelled while I was trying to get permission to go to the clinic. When I got there, they told me it a contusion like that should be watched closely and made me place a cold compress on the bump for 2 periods before I came back to class. Half of the class had to go to the clinic for a physical exam. I had to go to the dental clinic as part of the check-up, and the nurse followed and told me to return to the medical clinic to have my blood pressure taken after the bump. Now, the dentists also know about it. After mine, the doctor took my blood pressure in front of the others waiting for their exam and called my dad to tell him to observe for dizziness and vomiting while I was home. For the first time, it was a lot of hassle for bumps which I take lightly.

After four days of regular classes, we had our recollection. As I've said a while before, I won't discuss my religious beliefs online, just to make this suitable for a general audience. That was bluntly explained, but just leave it as that.

And, um, I got my hair cut a lot shorter, in case it mattered to anyone.

The reason why I post much about school is because I spent more time there than at home. I spend 12 hours there, and home is only a place to do homework and sleep very,very little. I don't even get to go out of the house much during weekends.It is very tiring, and Mom wants me to take a break, but there's so much to do there. My eyebags are getting deeper to show that. Just a little more before all that is done.

I'm so glad to have a Saturday without much homework. Now I can review and then rest.