I guess I'm feeling better than before, mood's improved a lot. Sorry for worrying everyone, if anyone really was.
My grades for the first quarter: Good enough. I got two 1.0's, can't believe it. And that's it.
I won't be doing much for the next 7 days. Humanities week, that's why. I'm looking forward to it, except folkdancing.
That's all for now. See ya.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Sunday, August 21, 2005
........
I thought I would be in a better mood than yesterday. No... not as bad as yesterday, but still bad. Maybe it's because of what caused it before, an unknown cause or a problem tomorrow like folkdancing (I have two left feet) and Math (I like academics, but strangely, not Math) or something that might happen tomorrow. The latter don't affect me too much, the stress always wears off soon. It's possible that it's just stress or a chemical imbalance somewhere in my body, but my doctors say that I'm healthy.
I want to draw to release the "pain", but time never allows me this days. I'm either loaded with work to do or too sick/tired to do anything. I feel like I can't talk about it to other people like my parents. They might not have the time and could start worrying too much about me, and I wouldn't want that. And if I told other people, they might not really care or the other stuff I mentioned in the last case.
What's more tormenting is that I can't expel all the negative feelings I have. Crying will make me look weak, but I'm tearing up while typing this. I've always thouhgt that I had to be strong to survive, being assertive and sometimes aggressive and violent. But inside, I feel like crying all the time, when things don't go my way or when the world feels like it tortures or repels me. I don't feel like anyone understands exactly what I'm saying or thinking. The tears just won't flow.
I heard from somewhere that I am never alone. If I ever feel lonely, I should think that there is a reason why I'm even here (from two Wild Arms games, actually). I firmly believed that they were true, but my beliefs seem to waver when I'm down like this. The agony is just too much to take, even though the cause is still uncertain. But I want to see the pain end. Not by running away from the present, but by enduring it all, and the irritating things that come with it (check the stuff I listed at the beginning). I guess I'm ready to face everything now... maybe after a while to pour all the tears I've held back. Sometimes it just needs to be done.
Drawing... I did this a few days ago. I made it when I was feeling not as bad as this.
Maybe I should really express my emotions more, through blogging, art, or direct confrontation with someone who could listen. Aya, thanks so much for the advice.
So, I shall return.
I want to draw to release the "pain", but time never allows me this days. I'm either loaded with work to do or too sick/tired to do anything. I feel like I can't talk about it to other people like my parents. They might not have the time and could start worrying too much about me, and I wouldn't want that. And if I told other people, they might not really care or the other stuff I mentioned in the last case.
What's more tormenting is that I can't expel all the negative feelings I have. Crying will make me look weak, but I'm tearing up while typing this. I've always thouhgt that I had to be strong to survive, being assertive and sometimes aggressive and violent. But inside, I feel like crying all the time, when things don't go my way or when the world feels like it tortures or repels me. I don't feel like anyone understands exactly what I'm saying or thinking. The tears just won't flow.
I heard from somewhere that I am never alone. If I ever feel lonely, I should think that there is a reason why I'm even here (from two Wild Arms games, actually). I firmly believed that they were true, but my beliefs seem to waver when I'm down like this. The agony is just too much to take, even though the cause is still uncertain. But I want to see the pain end. Not by running away from the present, but by enduring it all, and the irritating things that come with it (check the stuff I listed at the beginning). I guess I'm ready to face everything now... maybe after a while to pour all the tears I've held back. Sometimes it just needs to be done.
Drawing... I did this a few days ago. I made it when I was feeling not as bad as this.
Maybe I should really express my emotions more, through blogging, art, or direct confrontation with someone who could listen. Aya, thanks so much for the advice.
So, I shall return.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Bad Mood
Please, you don't have to read this post. It's just something about me that no one really has cares about...
I haven't been feeling well lately. Headaches get more frequent and I get this lonely feeling very often. It could be because of the load of work we're given at school, but that isn't everything that's making me depressed. The unknown pain made me draw this (Oh yeah, I updated Neo Wings today. Care to take a look?). I guess there are other causes, some I don't know and others I'd rather not tell. I even had to force myself to update this, since I'm not in the mood to do anything but sit in a corner and isolate myself from the outside.
I'm very sorry that I had to post about this, but it's the only thing in my mind right now.
I haven't been feeling well lately. Headaches get more frequent and I get this lonely feeling very often. It could be because of the load of work we're given at school, but that isn't everything that's making me depressed. The unknown pain made me draw this (Oh yeah, I updated Neo Wings today. Care to take a look?). I guess there are other causes, some I don't know and others I'd rather not tell. I even had to force myself to update this, since I'm not in the mood to do anything but sit in a corner and isolate myself from the outside.
I'm very sorry that I had to post about this, but it's the only thing in my mind right now.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Test Results and Still Very Busy
The second quarter has just started in school and we're getting so much homework already. That's why I didn't update this blog for a few days. Sorry everyone. But I just can't bear putting it on hiatus.
Okay. I got my 1st quarter test results. They weren't exactly satisfying. I only got 70% in my Math test, but that expected because Math is harder in school now. I got a good score in Filipino even though I don't speak it that often. Social Science- 17 mistakes, no comment. Science and English are more of my forte. Got 12 mistakes in the first Science subject and 14 errors in the other (okay, so the second seems lower, but that was high compared to the average score of everyone in the class). Still waiting for English.
And classes. They're a bit easy now but still a lot of work to do. I'm supposed to be doing them now, actually >_< . I'm getting along with my classmates and my teachers and already know some of the upperclassmen.
Besides drawing, I've been into digital photography ever since we've been given an assignment like that for the art club. But because batteries run of power, it's a little hard on the pocket.
It's all good.
Okay. I got my 1st quarter test results. They weren't exactly satisfying. I only got 70% in my Math test, but that expected because Math is harder in school now. I got a good score in Filipino even though I don't speak it that often. Social Science- 17 mistakes, no comment. Science and English are more of my forte. Got 12 mistakes in the first Science subject and 14 errors in the other (okay, so the second seems lower, but that was high compared to the average score of everyone in the class). Still waiting for English.
And classes. They're a bit easy now but still a lot of work to do. I'm supposed to be doing them now, actually >_< . I'm getting along with my classmates and my teachers and already know some of the upperclassmen.
Besides drawing, I've been into digital photography ever since we've been given an assignment like that for the art club. But because batteries run of power, it's a little hard on the pocket.
It's all good.
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